Who am I?

What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is that all you want to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself, find yourself afraid to see?

(NIN - Right where it belongs)

--

I am a monster.
Rotten on the outside - rotten on the inside.
I scare myself to death.
A shriveled shell of a human being - dragging myself through the never ending drudgery of life.
And a crippling darkness creeps into my mind at night, little demons wreaking havoc.
Chemical warfare in my brain.
I self-destruct... and I try to put the pieces back together. They never quite fit.
There are too many scars & frayed ends to ever make a perfect picture again.


It is quiet...
Too quiet... too damn lonely.
The silence is heavy, almost suffocating.
I curl up into a fetal position and count my heartbeats.
Always waging a war - will this be the day when I lose and stay in bed, staring at the walls?
Never good enough. Never pretty enough. Never smart enough. Never happy. Never normal.


I am trapped... a prisoner of my own body, of my own mind.
And sometimes my greatest wish is that I could simply sink into nothing, that I could just disappear.

--